This was an old post of mine from a few years back when i was going through some trouble, important to note I still no longer drink and drive.
For people that know me. its no secret I”m an alcoholic. I’m sober as of now and would like to share some thoughts.
I had my first class of impaired driving tonight. It was nothing that I expected. It was very heavy. It really made me think. They showed us fucked up videos and told us and shared really fucked up stories. Ive thought about this before, but tonight i shared my thoughts in a group and it was really one of the first times i have said these things out loud. And it really just hit me.
I’m incredibly lucky or blessed. what ever you wanna call it.
But there have been countless times that i could have killed many people on many different occasions, all due to drunk driving. Its something I’m not proud of and never wanted to do, but when you are as big of an alcoholic as i am and drunk all the time, chances are your gonna drive drunk. And I did almost every night. I’m ashamed of it, and I don’t believe alcoholism is a disease, but just a strong addiction, I’m trying to stay better and hopefully i will for everyone’s sake.
When I was 16 I flipped my dads Lincoln into a house and caused 70,000 dollars worth of damage. It was past midnight, but I think had it been earlier when people were awake and not safety sleeping in their beds, they could have been up and around right where i hit. It was a family with three kids, what if one of the kids was getting a late night snack at that instant. I wouldn’t be able to live with my self. I think about this a lot. I cant express how thankful I am that no one was hurt that night.
A few years later I almost hit a person in the middle of the road because I was yet again drunk. They jumped out of the way literally just in time, like milliseconds.
Other situations have happened but it would take too long to literally list all of them, so i will list the most current and move on.
Earlier this year I was dealing with a lot, in the wrong way. I was drunk among other things, and i fell asleep at a red light, I was there in my car with my foot on the break for twenty mins, some how my foot didn’t slip off while there was cross traffic or anything else like that, I could have killed myself or someone else or caused a major accident.
I think about this and how i could live with myself if i had hurt anyone in all these instances, and the only answer i can come up with is, I couldnt. Knowing myself, I know if i ever accidentally ended another humans time on this earth because I WAS DRUNK, I would no doubt kill myself.
I think about this, and it makes me think of my sister, how she lost her life due to an accident not involving alcohol. I think how I could i possibly still be that careless after something like that happened. Well ive always delt with my pain with alcohol. And when i lost her i hit the bottle harder than before, i didn’t care about anything. That is how i could be so careless. But now that i am sober and thinking clearly i realize how dumb i was. I think about the man involved with my sisters crash and how he must feel. I feel for him, I hold no resentment or blame towards him, I feel terrible for him. And alcohol wasn’t involved, i already feel so mad that a stupid car accident that doesn’t make sense that probably could have been avoided ended her life. Then i think about how i would feel if alcohol was involved. and think about people that have lost someone they loved to that situation. A loved one gone, cause someone like me was fuckin stupid, got drunk and drove. something that could have been totally avoided. it breaks my heart.
I think alot about it.
My point is this, I know alot of people, including close friends that drive drunk. I beg you to to please stop. I stopped and never will again. Call an ueber. a ueber ride from fort wayne to albion where i live is 60$ so anywhere in town would no doubt be 20 dollars or less. trust me, even if you do that every night, it will still be far less a price then to pay lawyer fees court fees probation fees ignition starter fees and the hassle and stress that comes along with it all. and god forbid, it would be much less than the ultimate price you could pay, your life, or anothers.
Ive changed and so can you, thinking about all this really gets me down, but i try to stay positive and take one day at a time. No ones perfect. But we can aim to be.
Im not saying be sober.. lol i love to drink to celebrate have fun enjoy myself and to kill the pain.. to each their own if it works it works i aint knocking nobodys way of life im just sayin dont drive